When you are vulnerable, these three words are powerful
I couldn’t figure it out. ME! This is what I do! I figure things out! The most complicated of things. Powerful people hire me to figure out insanely intricate things, and here I was, sitting there with piles of statements, stacks of inquires, miles of facts and figures, and yet I could not put the puzzle together. I failed. I failed myself, but more importantly, I failed my daughter. The one whose life literally depends on me daily.
There are 4 parties involved. The insurance companies, the Pharmacy, the doctor, and me. I dropped the ball somewhere, and I could not figure out where. We all drop the ball once in awhile, it happens, but usually when I do, I can trace it back. I’m pretty anal about record keeping. But this time? It just seems like there was too much time, too many players involved, and really poor communication all around.
I turned to the person that has been my closest confidant for the last 8 years. Someone who knows all about all this, and I could be vulnerable with. I told her – “This is killing me. I’ve learned so much better how NOT to ruminate on such things in the past few years, but for whatever reason I can’t let this one go!”
That is when she wrote those three little, yet powerful words to me.
I get it
Understanding – it’s what we most need
Those three little words popped up on my screen, and it melted so much away. That is all there was. There wasn’t some long diatribe on how I might fix the problem. No personal anecdote was offered to me at the vulnerability alter either. Just plain and simple – I GET IT!
Simple understanding. When those words popped up, I knew that she in fact DID understand. She could relate to my situation and touch all those prickly hurty feelings that were pounding on me from all sides. I opened up my bare inside fail feeling self, and received what I so desperately needed (but did not really know I needed) – Understanding.
Understanding is, in my mind, love. Offering it to others when they are dealing with shtuff, is the best healing we can offer.
That is the catch here. There can be no buts when you offer your beautiful gift. You know you have heard it – “I get it, but you have to understand….” NO! Just.Don’t.Do.It. That but pretty much negates those three little words. Because everything that will come after that but, puts a condition on your love. It ISN’T understanding at that point, its more like an explanation. You have taken away your message of listening to understand, and put in place the knee-jerk listening to respond memo.
We all need it
How amazing would it be to hear JUST that from those we need to most. Yes, our children, partners, friends and family, but just think if our employers, government, and media did just that? AS I was writing this, the doctor took time and called me (rare these days), and when I communicated my frustration with the insurance companies, she gave me that awesome response. She actually laughed, and said, “Oh I get it!” And I knew that she did!
In how she said it, I could tell. We are not talking about a person I have known and interacted with for 8 years now here. This is someone I barely know. So what else do those three little words bring? Connection. Oh do WE need connection in this world! Oh sure, we have this interwebz that “connects” us, but that is completely different! It’s important to understand that distinction, because I feel we are losing that.
It seems like the more we “connect” on social media, the less connected we are to all that deep down human goodness. Media and smearing posts have harden our hearts to the point that we sometimes don’t even trust the authenticity of the understanding and connection that comes with “I get it”. Listen people, we may enjoy our time alone in our own little rabbit holes, heck, as I have gotten older, I find that time much more precious these days. But if we are going to get out of these mucky ugly messes we seem to be seeing everywhere now, we need to connect in person.
The mother that does not want her child around any guns because she wants to protect them from harm needs to meet the man who carries a gun everywhere because he wants to protect his family from harm. At the root of it all THEY HAVE THE SAME CONCERN! That is where we have to start. We have to CONNECT with our similarities, and not disconnect with the differences. And we can’t do that from behind a keyboard.
In the time it took to write all this, there was a resolution to my above problem. No, I did not find the answer in all those statements, and spreadsheets, numbers and inquires. I wanted to believe that cold hard numbers could be the answer – it wasn’t (it often isn’t). No, resolution came with two phone calls. In the first call, I still felt I had failed. And while resolution did not occur, connection DID. This was obvious when I received the second phone call from the actual doctor, who, as you can see above, connected with me. A true understanding happened, twice. No ill words were spoken. Tempers did not fly. No threats were made. The goal in all of it was understanding. And it made all the difference in the world.